S.G's top 10 train ride pet peeves!

Waddup everyone! Unfortunately nothing interesting has happened on the train within the last week (which is why I'm currently working on my main blog and why you shouldn't be expecting daily posts on this one! Sawwy!), so I decided to just share some of the ish that irks me (and probaly a lot of you guys) when I'm riding on the subway. Now they're not specifically in any kind of order, just know that I don't like any of this ish so if u see me DON"T DO IT!

1. Funk in the AM - WHY? no seriously! Why? you should have just left your house, which means u should have just washed your ass! So again, WHY? I could understand if its after five and you've been working all day, maybe had to run some errands for your boss or whatever. But you should not have B.O. at eight in the morning! Stank ass!
   
2. Eating on the train -Since we're discussing the morning commute, number 2 is eating! Did it cross your mind that I haven't eaten my breakfast yet? And now your hungry ass is sitting across from me tearing up that bacon, egg and cheese on a bagel smelling up the whole train. Got everybody trying not to look at it but all OUR greedy asses want it cuz it smells so damn good! That's not right! Or on the flip side, when people really bust out the Chinese food carton and go to work. Or the worst offender, (and I am guilty of this too cuz its a quick snack)...Micky D's fries! Now you KNOW that's just wrong! That smell will have your stomach trying to rip itself out of your body to get at them fries!
3. Standing in the doorway - Now, I won't lie, I do this too sometimes cuz I'd rather lean against it then have to stand in the middle and God forbid, touch a pole to hold on, but at least if your gonna stand there, MOVE to the side when people are trying to get on and off. Which takes me to number 4...
4. Blocking the door when trying to get on the train - You mutha effing idiots! Lets think logically here. If you need to get on, people need to get off first to make space for you, RIIIGHT? So WHY would you stand RIGHT in front of the door and make no path for the people exiting the train? smh...so you know what I do? I simply yell "MOVE DUMB ASSES! Gosh! Idiots!" You should try it! it really works.
5. Backpacks - Ok! Students, and your occasional hippie or computer geek...if you're standing in the middle of the train or near the door or hell ANY where on the train with a book bag the size of kids 4 wheeler ATV, how the hell do you expect people to be able to get past you. And then when u push past, because of course that's what my rude ass purposely does, they have the nerve to get annoyed! Um idiot, take it off and put it by your feet! DUH!
   
6. Blasting music - While I'm picking on the adolescence, let me continue by saying TURN DOWN YOUR DAMN Ipod! Not only is it disturbing my reading but you are going to be deaf AND dumb if you continue this practice! Your ear lobes can only withstand a certain decibel level. (I learned this is during my audio engineering courses) I should not be able to sing along with every word of your song choice and hear all the guitar riffs from across the train! Bad enough the train itself is slowly damaging our hearing! Dont believe me? http://www.gcaudio.com/resources/howtos/loudness.html You WILL go deaf!
7. The wide hipper shimmy - Now, I'm not gonna go too hard on this one because I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings, and honestly this goes for people of all sizes and shapes. If you know DAMN well you can't fit in a seat why make everyone else in the whole row uncomfortable by shimmy'n ya big but into the spot? that's not right! There's times when I don't fit in a space, even a few times when I THOUGHT I could fit but realized after squishing in, I really couldn't. So what did I do? got my big butt up! I'm not gonna just sit squeezed in for the sake of sitting! That's not fair people!
8. Not using your inside voice - I swear if Fran Drescher sat down next to me tryna talk I'd just punch her in the mouth! If you happen to be on an outdoor train and can receive cell phones calls, please keep it down. I don't need to hear your play by play of what you and ya man did, or what your cooking for dinner or any other useless info. And I definitely should not have to hear you all the way from the other end of the car. Shhhhhh! Thank you!
   
9. Ear hustle'n - Now on the other hand if you happen to be sitting next to a group of friends talking who ARE using their inside voice mind your damn business! Why are you chuckling at the same time I give the punch line to my joke? Why? cuz ya ass is being nosey! *Third party alert* You were not invited into this conversation so back up!
   
10. The bulge - Ok, last but not least...fellas! This one is for you. I HATE when a guy is sitting down with his legs spread wiiiiide apart so no one will be able to sit next to them! Smh...so damn evil! You know what I say to those dudes...*tap tap* (on their shoulder)..."excuse me but do u mind closing your legs some. I highly doubt it's that big boo, so you don't need that much room!" and then I shimmy my ass right on down and sit next to them. Like c'mon now! Nuccah please! You're just doing that to be mean and I WILL embarrass you!

So there you have it! I'm sure there are some other thangs I've forgotten but these things tend to irk me the most. So if ever you happen to see me riding the iron horse, DON"T TRY ME! I WILL curse you out! lol!

S.G.
xoxoxo